Headache day

I got to see my sister T and my niece Izzy today.
I worked for a bit, but by lunchtime I had developed a monster headache.
Now, its 5:30 pm and I am up (slept very well after 800 mg Ibuprofen).  BD finished making my beef stock and is working on dinner.

I have one week left of my dietbet.  I have 3 pounds to lose, how am I going to do it?  I need to cancel all snacking.  Hard boiled eggs for breakfast, and I need to drink at least 8 glasses of water a day and try to limit my bread.
Plus, I need to do my workouts...jillian michaels workouts.


 Best Workout EVER!

2017 why?

This month started with a cut on my tongue, a cold, and now a period out of the ordinary.
Yes, thats right. A period.  Yep.  I have to go through menopause twice.  Thats part of the price i pay to live.

I am coughing and blowing gunk out of my nose thats in all colors.  i don't feel good.
sorry this is so "not" positive.

Sleeping

It seems the past few days, I have slept in our own bedroom (yes, wild thought) with the humidifier on, warm down comforter on the bed, and no tv.  Well, I have my ipad, but no bright tv.  Guess what?  I slept last night.
Crazy dreams, no virtussin, and I actually slept.  I woke up a bit sweaty, but I had Frank, my best friend, at my feet or hips throughout the night.

Today, I have no appointments, but I know I need to journal.  I need to feel better, and I need to get some appointments--- this morning I will work on a new set of expireds and prep some letters.  I am a go-getter and I need to act like it!  I am staring at the memo pad with my old company's name and logo on it, and it disgusts me.  On the bright side, I showed a $479k home yesterday and they loved it.  I think its too expensive, but its not my decision.

Yesterday also taught me to maintain a distance with my buyers.  Its not my life, its theirs.  What I think doesn't matter and shouldn't get in the way of their decisions.  I might be talking people out of homes, and I should be helping (not talking) them into homes.  I should listen to my clients more.  What a novel thought!

I need to gather my hours worked and get that turned into SS soon.  I've got the whole year of 2016 in this small box to type out hours and prep my expense sheet.  Better now than later.  Yuck, but better now than later.  I need to be more business like and start to enjoy that krap.

Reposted from my Leukemia Blog - more about the tongue cut and feelings it stirred up.

That will be my four year anniversary....from my diagnosis of Cancer.
Its very scary to think of that.  At the beginning of the year, I had a cut on my tongue.  It was like a paper cut on my tongue, with a nasty flap of skin that hurt like a mother.
It hurt for about a week, and I went to see the doctor.  She had no idea what it was, at that point the flappy part was wrinkly and white, because it was kinda dying and drying out.

She wanted me to see a specialist and mentioned the word "biopsy".

I couldn't sleep that night.

I had the fear in me that I was sick again...this was the beginning of it all...again.

I honestly couldn't sleep or think for about 24 hours, but then, the salt water rinses started to help.  The pain got less.  The bump got smaller.  I could talk without pain.
I felt like an idiot.
A complete and utter idiot.

Try telling someone this story that hasn't had a crazy illness or fought for their life.  Try telling a story of how a bump and cut on your tongue led you to think you were going to die and think they believe you.  They won't.  They won't get it.  People won't even validate your feelings.  You are over-reacting. You are silly.
Am I?  Am I?  What happened to me is sheer luck. I am alive today.  But, the feeling of being deathly afraid of getting sick again...its real and its dark.  It is a mindgame.  I know that, but I can't shake it.

I can't seem to get over it.

I am utterly grateful to be alive and I sincerely try to give it my all each day, albeit I am still tired a lot.  I try to savor moments and I sometimes take it for granted, still, but I feel that's living.

When it comes right down to it, though, I am still scared out of my wits to get a new car, have a car payment, buy things, or even work too hard...because if it happens again...then what?

My head is a scary place.

How do you deal with it?  What advice can you give?  This is the time of year when every hot flash and night sweat has me nervous.  A cut on my tongue put me in a mind meld last week--- I didn't talk to anyone about it, either...it made me think awful thoughts.  I even thought I shouldn't put BD through this again.

I need a vacation from my head at this time of year.  Its too much.

In the new year...

So much has happened.

I really need to journal daily.  

I started this year weighing 184.  For my height (5'2") that puts me at obese according to my BMI.

Unacceptable.

I signed up for a diet bet game.  It was Chris and Heidi Powell's dietbet, and I mulled it over a couple days first, but the pot went over $400,000 so I decided to put in my $30.  I tried a dietbet before, but I failed.  Well, I did lose weight, but it wasn't enough weight to win.  I remember I hurt my shoulder and had to see a specialist.  I was limited to my exercise at that point and just stopped trying.  Is this time different?

Well, when I joined dietbet on Jan 4, I had a very painful bump on my tongue.  I still think it was a cut that went a bit infected.  It felt like a paper cut  on the bottom of my tongue, just like on your finger...with that nasty flap of skin that sends the most pain to your brain when its touched against the grain.  Imagine that on the bottom of your tongue.

So, I wasn't able to eat much for a few days.  Instantly dropped three pounds in the first week.

I thought it would be easy.

Then, last Wednesday, I became sick.  So did BD, but he felt better by Saturday.  I showed one house on Saturday and came right home and spent the rest of the day and night in bed.  Bad head cold/sinus thing--- lots of snot, flem, and coughing. My brain is foggy and I have no energy.  Very cold then very hot, which tells me I'm a bit feverish.  I've been eating like a champ this weekend, though, so I know that weight I initially lost the week before is back.  BTW, my tongue now feels just fine.  

Oh, I did see a doctor for my tongue.  It was that painful.  She thought it was a wart or a skin tag, but I told her I really thought it was from a cut.  By the time I saw her, the flappy piece was white and wrinkly, because it was dying off.  It was still painful, because it hits and moves when I talk and eat.

She wanted me to see a specialist.  Might not be seeing her again....it was a cut and after a few days of salt water rinses every few hours, I felt a lot better.  I need to write about that issue next time...keep an eye out.

So, that's been my year so far.

Sick and sick and fat.

This has been a bust

Work has been a bit slow, so today I prepped over 50 mailings to expired listings.
I do have a new listing coming out in a couple weeks, and I can't wait.  I think it will be awesome.